Today I daydreamed that my dog died.
I went to a graduation. It was a really nice graduation. The school was pretty small so there were only about 15 students graduating. They all sat in the front in their polyester gowns and as the principal gave her speech, I slipped into that little corner of the brain where daydreams occur.
I tend to have more day-mares.
When I space out, 7 times out of 10 I kind of lapse into some horrible scenario: My father is shot, my mother is arrested, I’m shot, a friend is lost in a tragic accident. In this case, I had come home to my dog lying unresponsive on the kitchen floor. I knew I was dreaming. I knew it wasn’t real, but there was a panic. I was so afraid. I was home alone without a car and the vet was right down the street. But I knew that I wouldn’t be able to run her down to the vet in time to save her life. In my head I was panicking. No one could come and take me in enough time to save my dog. She was going to die and I was helpless.
I love my dog.
“Amelie, come on,” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “Just put the sword down and we can talk.”
“I’ll talk to your dead body you traitor,” she snapped, swinging at him. But she was clumsy compared to him and he easily slipped out of the way.
“Please don’t make me fight with you,” Larin sighed. He pulled out his own sword and held it out. “I won’t let you win this time.” Her face scrunched down and she snarled as she lunged at him. He easily parried her away and they kept going back and forth like that. She would lunge, snarling and growling and he would slip out of the way or just knock her back as easily as if she were a child. As she was beginning to wear herself out, Larin caught her, trapping her against the wall with his blade at her throat.
“Now listen,” he snapped. “Just listen.”
I had to get rid of the old posts. They were pretty ugly. A stain of the past. I used terms like “random” and “chiz” a lot and so I figured the internet doesn’t really need that kind of language these days and it would be best to remove those things. I didn’t delete them forever. I want to keep them to show to my children. For now maybe I can do like little daily or weekly posts or something. I want to write again.